Friday, December 22, 2006

Upscale? Updike? no, no, wait. Update!

That's right! It's time for my intelligent yet clearly biased views regarding the current state of global affairs. Oh hah. Oh hah hah hah. Did I scare you? Because I undoubtedly could come up with some cynical insights into the current revolutions of the world, the snow that's backing flights up across the country, the lack of Christmas spirit and growth of Christmas shopping and its current and future effects on our society. But then, wouldn't I be just another blogger in the blogosphere imagining that my personal views actually matter in the grander scheme of things? Yes, yes I would. As it is, however, I won't subject the few people who may read my words to my (I admit it) relatively uninformed viewpoints regarding the state of affairs within the U.S. and the world.
What this blog is really about, aside from my ridiculous extrapolations, is what life is like in the hospital, living with cancer. It's really not that exciting. The chemo seems to be enjoying its gradual takeover of my body. I've pretty much been feeling like dirt the past three days, since I started the heavy drugs. I feel a bit better today though, which is good. I've actually eaten substantial foodings today. OH OH OH! I also finally got my damn amazing and Freaking expensive and beautiful camera last night! Holy freaking hell, this thing is so cool. It's super heavy, takes awesome pictures, and has more settings than something with a lot of settings. And although I will be broke as shit for the next couple months of my life, it's totally worth it. Holy crap, is it worth it. I'll put up the link to some sort of photo thing online where I'll post my stuff once I figure out how to do it. (Remember, I don't get Facebook? sigh.) But anyway. So that's about the most exciting thing going on right now.
Christmas is in three days, and this will be the second time I can remember not being in my house for the holidays. The first time was a few years ago when my family took a sweet trip to Arizona. I have some cool pictures from there as well. But yeah. It's weird when your traditions become turned on their heads. I used to fall asleep in our big flower-patterned chairs right next to the Christmas tree, reading my old journals and surrounding myself with candles and hot chocolate. It's funny how you don't really appreciate all the home-y things that fill your life, that you implicitly expect to always be there, until they're gone. So I hope everyone enjoys their family this weekend. Even if you don't always like your family. Or, if you really don't like your family, go find an old haunt from childhood, and spend some time there for a little bit. My mom, being from Canada and all that whatnot, likes to keep the house a brisk temperature during the winter. I was always freezing as a kid. So I used to go sit in the front window on top of a vent, hidden behind our no longer existent grimy linen curtains. I'd watch the outside world, and every once in a while the heat would turn on, and for five or ten minutes I would be toasty and safe behind my curtains. And that was so long ago. 12, 14 years, maybe. I don't want to go back to that, but I keep the memories. I smile over the silly things I remember. Because, really, they are what matter. No stuff, no things, no crap. Just be. And those are my personal views. And this is my (b)log. So there. Pax.


Megan Amanda Steffen said...

Matt Negrin lies.

I will have to retrieve your seven dollars some other time.

I also used to sit by the vent in the winter. It was in our kitchen slash living room (the two are only separated by a ledge) and I used to sit on the stepdown with my feet in front of the hot air until the metal burned the back of my heels. It sounds like my perch was a lot more social than yours. Occassionally, some inattentive cousin would trip over me, and one time my parapalegic uncle decided it would be cool to run me over on his way down the step. I, to his dismay, found it less than amusing.

kev-kev said...

One Christmas when I was really little my parents bought me a Play-Dough fast food playset. Imagine a smaller version of me sitting on the ground, looking up at my dad while shittily attempting to make "food" with the instruments in front of me saying, "D-d-dad?...Are, are, are, you hunnnn-gwee? Want some f-f-f-fwench fwies?!" We still have the video tape documenting the event somewhere and my parents still bring up my childhood stutter to this day during awkward family dinners. I'm calling you tomorrow, or later today depending on how you look at it, whether you like it or not. Sirois out.

Justin said...

it's actually a tradition i've had in my life on christmas morning to sit on top of the little heat vent, wrapped up in a blanket and letting it fill up the space around me. alas, i dont know if you know this, but right now in michigan anyway, its 50 degrees. its warm. ridiculous.

i went down to the beach at 3:00 this morning to watch a storm rolling in, and i could see a glowing in the south, and i knew that was chicago.

i also knew i should go to bed.