Thursday, March 29, 2007

so..... full........

Today, for the first time ever, I ordered a burrito from Chipotle. Usually I just get my happy little chicken tacos. But today I decided, "No, I am deliriously hungry. I need a burrito." Little did I know what was in store for me. I took my first bite roughly forty-five minutes ago. I still have a good two inches to go. The first bite was delicious! Rice and beans and spicy green salsa and grilled chicken and guacamole... Mmm. The second bite was just as good. I continued to slowly eat said burrito until it was about three-fourths of the way finished. At about that point, I started feeling full. Like, extremely full. Like, I just put a Lot of burrito in my belly, full. And I wasn't even finished yet! I'm still not finished. But eventually the burrito will be wholly consumed, and I will go lie down while resolving not to eat again for the next day or two. And so that's what's exciting in my life.

Actually though, today has been quite busy for me. I started my volunteer work at the Arboretum (the tree place). It was just stock-room work; specifically, I was price-tagging t-shirts. But I was doing something, and it was out of my house. There was also another student working there, so it was nice to have someone to talk to. Who knows, maybe I'll make a (gasp!) friend. Although he said he thinks he might be getting bronchitis, so I may have to destroy him... It was fun though. He asked me about my cancer too, which threw me for a loop at first. He said he was just curious what it was like, as he hadn't ever known anyone with cancer. It's kind of funny: when something like this happens to you, especially when you're right in the throes of it, you feel very different from your peers and almost segregated from everybody. It may just be mental, but it's not just me. The other young adults in my weekly group sessions agreed with me when I said that often I feel invisible to other people. Or at the very least, you feel different. So it was nice to talk to someone about it who really was just curious. I didn't get any pity or sympathy vibes from him. Part of it, I'm sure, is that he was sitting across from me. He could see that I look normal, that I talk normally, and that there is nothing inhibiting my daily funtions. I was just another college student who could have been in his class. I just happen to also have a life-threatening disease. Mehh.

And finally, once again, BU Today has flattered me immensely by doing a special little bit about the (b)log. If you are so inclined, you can check out their very kind words HERE. Super exciting stuff. And that's about it. Once again, I may or may not balls up and go to an open mic tonight. I think I'm going to go. I just have to make myself. Sigh, I wish I had a buddy for this... But oh well, we'll see what happens. Thank God it's almost Friday! Peace peeps.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


This could quite possibly be one of my favorite pictures ever. It's too bad I panicked when he started flying and didn't quite get the whole body. Check out the eyes though. And the middle pigeon. I just see him saying, "coocoo, I'm fat and pompous, coocoo, pigeons don't fly fool, coocoo." Or something similar at least. To see this and more photos from downtown Chicago, check out the whole album at Ah, shameless advertising. Nothing better.
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Monday, March 26, 2007

Exciting day! Kind of

I spent much of this beautiful day walking around downtown Chicago. I'm really starting to learn my way around the place. It was about 80 degrees outside, sunny, brisk southwest winds, lots of photo ops, what more could one ask for? Oh, I know, how about not having a piece of sterile plastic covering a patch of my chest. For those of you who have never experienced such a bandage, allow me, please, to share a few things. First of all, these coverings don't exactly "breathe." That would defeat their purpose, which is to keep air and dirt and other little bacteria floating around from reaching the hole where my catheter sticks out. Secondly, our bodies naturally perspire when we are hot. Sweat is our cooling mechanism. Now, I have already noted that it was hot here today, and I was doing a lot of walking. So naturally, I perspired some. Enough that I started having a small problem with my bandage. The sweat builds up with nowhere to go, which in turn causes a reaction on my part where my skin turns red and itchy. Worth noting, however, is that I have a reaction anyway to the bandages the hospital puts on. So I didn't pay much attention to the itching, as it has been itchy for the past few days. So blah blah blah, day goes on, more wandering around. Finally, I'm sitting in Union Station (the train station) waiting for my train home. I decide to take a peek at my happy little catheter site. And lo and behold, when I look down, the damn thing is oozing. "Oozing what?", you ask? I am afraid I don't know what; it just was. And it had oozed down the line and out my bandage. There was actually a very small amount of ooze on my shirt. Gross. And scary since ooze usually means there's an infection, which would pretty much be the absolute worst thing ever -- no hyperbole necessary. So it's oozy and itchy, and I'm freaking out because I don't know what to do. I call my home care nurse, the woman who usually comes to change the dressing for me, and tell her my predicament. Her advice to me is to change the dressing. Since I was perspiring and the hole was oozing, there is moisture underneath the bandage. With nowhere to go, that moisture can only do bad things to me. I needed to get rid of the moisture, as well as the dried ooze. Okay so long story short (hahahaha), I end up changing my own dressing. There were a few slight mishaps, but I think I did okay. My site still itches, but at least now it is disinfected. And hopefully my nurse will come tomorrow and tell me if I am going to die or not. Or at least whether or not I should call my doctor about this.

And that is today's -- very long -- story. I'm hoping everything will turn out alright, but I'm still a bit nervous. Other than that, though, today was great! I'll be putting up pictures soon of my jaunt through the city. Well, as they say in the Vatican, Pax. (insert Pope Benedict giving you the deuces. word.)

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Okay, so this actually is a funny story.

I went shopping with my mom today. The weather was beautiful outside, and we decided to spend a good portion of the day rifling through overpriced and over-handled product, along with hundreds of other jaded suburbanites. But I digress. So we were in Target, specifically at the shoe section. There were lots of shoes, some notable, others not so much, so I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on around me. I do remember there were background voices, but I wasn't listening to what they were saying. And then, just as I picked up a decent-looking heeled-sandal, I heard, "I bet she shaved her head," followed by, "No, I bet she just has short hair." I put the sandal back on its little rack and turned around. Right behind me, sitting in a red, plastic Target cart, were two small girls, aged roughly five and seven -- parent nowhere in sight. They were both staring right at me, although their discussion stopped when I looked at them. I just started laughing, which in turn caused them to start laughing. I didn't say anything, because really, what would I say to two small children who are considering why I'm wearing a beanie and there's no hair coming out from under it? Sorry guys, you're both wrong; I'm actually on drugs? So I just laughed. And then I walked away. And then I started wondering why two cute little girls would have even noticed my hair situation, much less thought that I shaved my head. And then I remembered the Media and certain recent debacles involving one former pop-star turned rehab junkie. I am, of course, referring to Britney Spears. She is a household name; of course these girls would know who she is. And we all know the Media has exhausted their coverage of Ms. Spears and her last-resort call for attention via head shaving. Which explains why the girls would 1: have noticed my not-hair and 2: not be phased by my apparent decision to shave my head. So, in summation, today's youth are having their innocence and naivete stripped from them by the exorbitant amount of sensationalism in the Media. Nothing is sacred anymore, and everything is fair game for vocal, public discussion, even by seven-year old girls.

Also, I saw the new Barbies in Target. They are disappointingly ugly. Otherwise, I felt great today, and tomorrow, I'm heading downtown. Should be a good time! Peace.