Thursday, April 19, 2007

I'm not very original.

I was going to use as my title the line, "Well, so this is interesting." But you know the little thing that comes down when you start typing letters in a box? Yeah, well, mine remembered that very same phrase, meaning I have used it before. Sheesh. But actually, this is interesting.

So I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight. I know, it's not the most healthy show for a person who spends a substantial amount of their time in the hospital, but whatever. Anyway, so tonight on the show, they had to do a bone-marrow biopsy. I don't know how those medical shows do their surgical thing, but I doubt they're actually performing the procedures. But they showed the big needle going into the hip bone and the doctor starting to drill down. Standard biopsy fun. The weird part is, I started getting teary-eyed. I sucked it back though, and was fine after a minute. This whole situation hasn't exactly made me more emotional. It's just really weird for me to see people going through the same procedures that I endure. And I know it's just television, and the whole thing was probably fake, but I also know how much biopsies hurt. And I was reminded that in less than one week, I will be getting another one, for real. It's strange: when I'm lying on the hospital bed, waiting for the first needle stick, it's like I disassociate myself from the situation. I get through the biopsies and the lumbar punctures and all of the needle sticks and the pills by mentally distancing myself from my body. And I just realized this now, as I'm typing. I guess it's a coping mechanism. But when I'm not being prepped for needles and such, when I'm watching someone on T.V. or thinking about what will happen in a week, I can't become emotionally unattached. So I guess that's why I almost started crying. It's so different, the anticipation versus the actual event. The anticipation is ten times worse. Anyway, well, now my thoughts are all jumbled, and I fear that what I have said makes little or no sense. Eh. Either way. That's what was interesting about my day. It's always a good time when you have deep realizations about yourself. Alright, peace.

3 comments:

Megan Amanda Steffen said...

My deep realization today is that I need to start doing papers BEFORE the eve of their due date. Currently 354 words into a 2,500 word paper; if you get bored of watching crappy hospital drama you should give me a call tomorrow and make sure I'm still conscious.

Amy said...

I was thinking about you during that as well.

on another note...
I've raised a 1/4 of my fundraising goal! If you want to check out my page heres the link:
http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/AmySturdy

Best,
Amy Sturdy

Megan Amanda Steffen said...

your lack of b-logs has caused a deep void in my life.