Saturday, February 24, 2007
Well, so this is interesting.
Apparently, my body no longer likes food. My appetite has hugely decreased over the past few weeks, mostly since I started this second session of chemo. I never really feel like eating anymore, and when I occasionally become hungry, I'm torn between whether I actually feel hungry or if it's nausea. Strangely, they feel similar. I had Crispix for breakfast this morning, delicious, delicious Crispix. But now I feel terrible. It's stupid. A crunchy whole-grain breakfast cereal should not be making me want to tear out my stomach and intestines and leave them on the floor. And now I probably won't eat again for a good long time. Yesterday, for example, I had a bagel for breakfast. Alright, can't go wrong with a bagel. Except that it filled me up to where I had trouble finishing said bagel. And I didn't want to eat anything for the rest of the day. When I finally met my mom for dinner around 5 p.m., I was pretty hungry. But, and here's the frightening part, at the restaurant, all I could eat was most of a crab cake and a couple bites of my pasta. And this is after not having eaten for about 7 or 8 hours. Needless to say, this lack of appetite bit is annoying. Although, it's not like I'm doing much where I need to be eating a lot. I am starting to lose weight again, albeit much slower than when I was in the hospital. I'm hoping it's not muscle though. I am literally counting the days until it's warm enough outside that I can go for a bike ride. I'm thinking two, maybe three weeks? It helps to have something to look forward to, a reason to keep putting up with the daily toils. I have a bike and the prospect of seeing friends soon. And while it's supposed to snow and sleet on us here for the next day or so, I know it will eventually melt, and things will grow again. Woo. And hopefully, one day, I'll eat like a normal person again.