Monday, December 14, 2009

Music makes my world a much better place

I have a number of important cancer-related updates for those of us who may be curious what, if any, lingering physical effects remain from the nearly two years of chemo I received.  Well.  Let me tell you, I am still finding little interesting tidbit remainders.  For instance:  just under 3 years ago, I started this one drug, vincristine.  Same 'ol cancer-cell killing chemo drug, one of many.  One of the notable side-effects of this drug, however, is "peripheral neuropathy."  "Numbness or tingling in the hands and feet" anyone?  Basically, the drug damages the nerves in the tips of your fingers and toes.  I experienced mild numbness in my fingers, often contributing to comedic ventures involving toast...  But I digress.  The feeling eventually returned to my fingers and toes, and all is well.  I recently learned, however, that the damage is longer-lasting than I had thought.  As the temperature continues to drop outside, my hands continue to get cold.  One day recently, my hands got Really cold outside.  And I found that when the rest of my hands started to warm up, my finger tips continued to tingle.  It took a really long time, a lot of frantic hand-shaking, and more than a few minutes under hot water for them to finally get back to feeling.  So.  In summation: whatever happened to the tips of my fingers seriously affected my cold hand peripheral circulation nearly three years later.  Hoorah!  Weird feeling to not be able to feel.

Update number dos:  As some of you may know from having seen me, when my hair decided it was time to grow back two years ago, it did, in fact, grow back curly.  For two years now, I have had a serious love/hate relationship with my hair.  When it was super short and curly, it was cute and fun.  Then it started growing out some and (I thought) it looked unshapely and awkward.  I was hesitant to get it cut though because I am vain and truly enjoy having my hair around.  'S anyway, it kept on growing.  Finally, this spring and into summer, it had grown out enough that I liked it.  I also didn't like it.  I didn't like what the curls stood for, but I had resigned myself to them.  A hairdresser had confirmed for me one year ago that I was officially a curly-haired lady.  Funny thing though; she was Wrong.  I manned up and got myself a much-needed haircut last Tuesday.  And the curls?  Are gone.  Cut off.  Caroline - 1.  Chemo Curls - 0.  My hair is still kind of wavy, but the ringlets of yore are now nothing but memories fraught with emotion.  So if you are female and in chemo or recently out of chemo and your hair grew back curly, perhaps it is only a temporary permanent...

And those are my sort of lame cancer-updates.  In separate but sort of related news, I love life so hard right now.  Maybe it is the haircut.  Maybe it is that my jeans are getting consistently baggier.  Maybe it is that I have been volunteering more and Finally going out and taking pictures.  Perhaps it is because I made a decision to be more proactive with my photography and am working on figuring out how to find myself a job.  Or maybe it is that a random guy told me I was "really cute" the other night, which, even if he was some guy I will never see again and is ultimately unimportant in the long-term, it is still nice to hear those sorts of things.

Nothing has really changed except that every day I get a little more comfortable with my current situation and what I can do to make it better for myself.  Am I allowed to be happy at stupid things?  It is so easy for me to get dragged down by life sometimes.  Obviously; I have been complaining all about it on here.  But Photos, Music, random guys, chocolate?  Rodrigo y Gabriela playing at Barnes and Noble while I'm eating a cookie and drinking tea?  Seriously, that is my idea of just about perfect, and I am living it right now.  Insurance be damned, I will smile in spite of your attempts to bring me down.

Finally, briefly:  a new, serious attempt to put my photography "out there."  It is new, in progress, and still being edited, but I am always open to suggestions and comments.  Check it out!!  HERE.  Anyway, so, Happy Tuesday, sad toad.

1 comment:

Megan/Yuping said...

Is that header photo from the shoot you did for me? Also: My legs are always falling asleep now for tens of minutes at a time, and I did not even have cancer! So maybe you are just getting old like me!

Also also: You are really cute all the time every day. And I know I am not a boy, so it means less, but seriously. I've seen you in your undies. I know.