Friday, February 8, 2008

Well hello there.

Fear not, those few of you who may still occasionally check to find a new post, I have not gone away. I just haven't had terribly much to discuss, and I have had even less time in which to discuss it. Three weeks into this second semester of school and I have been nothing but crazy busy all the time. I am still getting chemo every four weeks, and I still have a nagging head cold (I've given up on that ever going away). The interesting thing, to me at least, is that I am also still learning how to maintain some balance in my life. I still struggle with how much is too much.

This past Monday, three major presidential candidates campaigned in Massachusetts. John McCain spoke in downtown Boston in the morning, and Barack Obama held a rally here that evening (Hillary Clinton was not in the city). I planned, ambitious photographer that I am, to photograph the McCain talk in the morning, do my day activities, and then find my way to the convention center to photograph Obama. Worth noting: the night before, the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. I wasn't particularly upset by the loss, but I did watch the game, and it was still a late night. So Monday morning, I was a bit frazzled, a bit late, and a lot tired. I grabbed my camera, a long lens, a spare battery, and headed out the door. I invested in a bagel and chai tea at my local bagel shop, desperately needing food and caffeine. I suppose it is also worth noting that I had received my monthly chemo the Wednesday prior, and I was definitely still feeling it, not to mention not sleeping. Anyway, so I hustled onto the train downtown with my bag, my camera, my tea, and my bagel. Then, disaster struck.

As if in slow motion, the train started to move, jolted into motion. Look down, camera between my feet. Between my knees, my tea. Shake; bounce, and forward falls the tea. Spills on the top of my camera. (#$@!) Spring into action: I grabbed my camera and immediately began to wipe it off, but the damage was done. My camera, my baby, my expensive piece of equipment that I take great care of, no longer worked.

I'll turn down the verbiage and just sum up the rest. Most likely, I short-circuited the electronics in the camera body. I sent it to Canon on Wednesday, and I pray they can fix it soon. I did end up shooting the McCain event because I happened to have an extra body at my apartment. I did not, however, photograph the Barack rally, and here's why: I would not have wrecked my camera if I hadn't been so emotionally all over the place. I was unnecessarily stressing myself, expecting way too much. I realized I needed to stop trying to do so many things. I wish it hadn't happened, but Monday was a wake-up call for me to calm down, right now.

As much as I wish I could, I can not do everything. Bad things happen when I try. So this whole week I have been consciously telling myself to slow down. It is so hard for me though, when I really want to put fatigue and sickness and everything behind me. It's funny that despite everything I have gone through so far, I haven't learned. You'd think getting cancer would be like, oh hey, yeah, maybe you should be a bit more receptive to the idea that it is okay to not do everything... But no. It took my camera short-circuiting, which, I suppose, says a lot about me. So that's what's going on in my world. Every day is an adventure. I have lots of updates about upcoming activities and ridiculousnesses, but you'll have to wait for those juicy details. Slow down; enjoy your day. Peace.


Yuping said...

Cannon will fix your baby. It will be ok.

This post sounds remarkably like a rant I seem to remember giving quite often, but as I've made myself sick and then sicker in China by refusing to acknowledge my own need to sleep, I'll refrain from rubbing it in. You have no idea how much my restraint costs me.

Also: Get. Skype. Or make Jon get skype or respond to my IMs or SOMETHING. I miss you.

Anonymous said...

My daughter goes to BU. I read your article, which led to your blog, which led to my signing up in order to respond to your blog, and start a blog! I also went thru chemo for Lymphoblastic T-cells in an Oak Park hospital. I did visit U of Chgo for a 2nd opinion. Your blog inspired me, and I'm not even finished reading it!

Anonymous said...

Hope you don't mind...check out my blog, mynottoofunnycomix. You're beautiful and an inspiration!, BJ