First day of meteorological spring!

And despite that fact, it's raining and snowing and cold here in the Chi-town. Now, I'm not grumpy by nature. But there are some times (namely now) when it gets difficult to even want to move. Or maybe I'm just using the weather as my excuse for being a lump. These past few days I started a new book (Camus' The Plague), I watched some bad television, I took a few accidental two-hour naps, you know, I lumped. I guess it's not that bad though. I consider it resting up for the onslaught of chemo that is scheduled to start this coming week. Woo. In other news, I noted a few days ago that I had lost my appetite and wasn't really eating. I actually lost about 5 pounds in that period, although I think a lot of it was water weight. Anyway, so my appetite is completely back. In fact, I am pretty sure my body is trying to make up for lost time and is therefore eating everything it can, all the time. Now, for instance, I just ate a ton of goat cheese spread on various carbohydrate items. It was delicious. But so the moral of this story is: 1 - that my body enjoys messing with my head, and 2 - no chemo is going to stop Me from eating. Everything and all the time.

That's about it from me for now. Thank God it's Thursday because that means tomorrow is Friday and lots of fun will be had. To all my friends at school, enjoy your last weekend before spring break. The year's counting down for you guys. Rock on. And to everyone else not at BU, rock on anyway. Peace out.

There's nothing better than having a hole drilled into your bone.

Another joyous day in clinic. Another bone marrow biopsy and aspirate. I'm not sure if I've ever explained this, but a biopsy is when they remove bone fluid and an aspirate is when they extract bone core. Strangely, it's more painful when they suck out the fluid. Good times. Good times with needles. But no really, it's not that bad. Mostly it's just uncomfortable; the doctor numbs the skin and the outside of the bone to a healthy unfeeling. And... I learned something interesting today. Apparently people who have lymphoma (another blood-related cancer) have to have biopsies done on both sides of their hips. They get one side drilled and done, and then the doctor goes to the other side and does it all again. Just the thought of having to go through that is horrendous. And the doctor told me that in the past, when medical procedures were more risky and technology wasn't nearly as good, in order to get enough and accurate samples, they had to do four biopsies at the same time. FOUR. That's four holes drilled into bone. And you just know it probably hurt a lot more than it does now. Ehhh. I'm shuddering just thinking about it. But that brings us to the uplifting part: Technology and advancements in medicine are Freaking Awesome. 25, 30 years ago I probably wouldn't have survived this. And now, well, it's not even an issue. So hoorah for pain medicine. And better microscopes and stuff. Mostly for pain medicine.

And that's about it. I met the guy who plays around with my blood, looking at the cells and various -cytes and -blasts. His name is Howie. He seemed like a pretty smart man. He told me it's nice to meet me and that "we're doing everything we can to get you better and get you back to school." I like how this man thinks. Here's the thing though, and this is all strictly preliminary and hypothetical, but there is a chance I might not start classes in the fall. As of now, my last biopsy is September 10, and I don't know how I'll feel at that point. But I'm going to do everything I can to hold this man to his word and get me back to school. I'm sure it will all work out; I just need to be aware of all possible situations. I'm also trying not to think about that because it's a long time away. Otherwise, I'm in a great mood. My appetite's back, and friends are coming to visit!! So good things to look forward to. Alright, enjoy tomorrow's hump. day. Peace.

Computers are more trouble than they're worth.

All I wanted to do was sit on my comfy green couch in the living room and watch a DVD. I had my nectarine all ready to go next to me, and I had finally found a comfortable position to sit in. So, I put the disc into the player. Windows Media pops up, I hear the happy whirring noise that means the disk is spinning, and then all of a sudden, Stop! Pop up! "Your media player does not have the appropriate plug-in for dvd playback." My options? "Close" or "online help." So, I clicked online help. And wouldn't you know, all of the plug-ins for dvd playback cost money. I probably spent a good twenty minutes poking around online for a free download of a player that would play my dvd. And I couldn't find one. I don't like giving up on things, but this is ridiculous. I found free 14-day trials, but those files were massive and would have taken forever to download. So no dvd on the computer for me today. Sigh.

In other news, I've been doing a lot of internet research for cancer groups, specifically those targeting young-adults. I have found a few really good resources so far. I have decided that I really want to find a way to get more involved in this, specifically regarding activism. I'm not quite sure where to start... Perhaps e-mail these groups, tell them my situation, and that I'm interested in doing cancer stuff? I'm going downtown tomorrow, to the support group, and I think I'm going to raise the question there, see if anyone has any suggestions. I'm sure there are lots of opportunities for volunteering around Chicago, and there probably are at least some in Boston. It's just reassuring to know that there are lots of people out there who are going through a similar situation to mine. And when I get through this, I'd love to be able to be there for teens or young adults just starting their battle. Also, I'd love, once I've got my strength back, to become active in the bike/run/walk events that are held everywhere in support of cancer research. So, if anyone wants to join a team or something (I have no idea how it works) let me know! haha, alright, that's about it for now. Take care in these ridiculous winter storms. We're currently getting dumped on again. Pax.

Well, so this is interesting.

Apparently, my body no longer likes food. My appetite has hugely decreased over the past few weeks, mostly since I started this second session of chemo. I never really feel like eating anymore, and when I occasionally become hungry, I'm torn between whether I actually feel hungry or if it's nausea. Strangely, they feel similar. I had Crispix for breakfast this morning, delicious, delicious Crispix. But now I feel terrible. It's stupid. A crunchy whole-grain breakfast cereal should not be making me want to tear out my stomach and intestines and leave them on the floor. And now I probably won't eat again for a good long time. Yesterday, for example, I had a bagel for breakfast. Alright, can't go wrong with a bagel. Except that it filled me up to where I had trouble finishing said bagel. And I didn't want to eat anything for the rest of the day. When I finally met my mom for dinner around 5 p.m., I was pretty hungry. But, and here's the frightening part, at the restaurant, all I could eat was most of a crab cake and a couple bites of my pasta. And this is after not having eaten for about 7 or 8 hours. Needless to say, this lack of appetite bit is annoying. Although, it's not like I'm doing much where I need to be eating a lot. I am starting to lose weight again, albeit much slower than when I was in the hospital. I'm hoping it's not muscle though. I am literally counting the days until it's warm enough outside that I can go for a bike ride. I'm thinking two, maybe three weeks? It helps to have something to look forward to, a reason to keep putting up with the daily toils. I have a bike and the prospect of seeing friends soon. And while it's supposed to snow and sleet on us here for the next day or so, I know it will eventually melt, and things will grow again. Woo. And hopefully, one day, I'll eat like a normal person again.

19 minutes until "Lost...." Quick post

So, apparently I'm dumb. I spent the past two weeks thinking that today, Wednesday, was the day I had to go in for my third asparaginase shot. Turns out, I was supposed to have gone in yesterday. Cool. It ended up not being a big deal though. They squeezed me in at the clinic and no lasting harm done. Although, the nurses messed up my lab orders and ended up drawing a whole lot of blood that they didn't need. Oh well. I've been feeling much better these past few days. I had been feeling like week-old porridge. But the nausea's mostly gone, as is my headache. My doctor told me though to tell her immediately if I ever get "the worst headache of [my] life." If that happens, there could potentially be bleeding in my brain, which would be not so good. I have also found myself taking daily naps. I guess the ten hours of sleep I get at night just isn't enough. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I've realized, why not? I mean, there will pretty much be no other time in my life when I can sleep nine, ten hours at night and also get a two-hour nap in the day. Hahaha. Now, I know you really wish you were me.

In other news, I think I might go to an open-mic tomorrow night. I'm still immuno-suppressed, so it might not be the best idea, but my counts are much higher now. I think I'll probably end up going. The issue will be in whether I balls up and perform something. We'll see. And otherwise, that's about it for me. I have a biopsy next Tuesday, and then the Monday after that I start my third session of chemo. It's six weeks long and involves some hospital stays, so I'm not particularly excited about it. But I guess I just have to make the most of the next week and a half. Alrightly, pax for tonight.

Pork.

Say it aloud. Twice. Now, tell me that's not a funny word. Not to mention delicious. Mmmm, pork tenderloin for dinner. Oh, and the best part is that I cooked most of it, with help and constant advice from my mother. In other news, I feel much better today. Thanks to modern medicine! My anti-nausea pills were totally effective in preventing nausea from controlling my day. All it took was one little brown pill, yes brown, and my stomach was calmed; and I could even eat without feeling ill! How does it work, you ask? Well, this particular pill is of the 5-HT3 class of medications that essentially block the release of serotonin from the small intestine, a reaction that is triggered by some chemotherapy drugs. Apparently, serotonin helps initiate the vomiting reflex. So, by blocking this chemical, the stomach doesn't have the reaction that results in upchuck. This one is supposed to be taken before you get sick; it prevents nausea. I have two other types of pills that are for breakthrough nausea. They affect the brain and I guess more of the neurological side of vomiting. So that's fun. I haven't messed with the brain ones though; my mind is messed up enough already. I read somewhere that chemo affects your brain, and when you finally come off it, well basically, it takes your brain a while to get back to its former smart-glory. Fuzzy thoughts, hard to concentrate, that sort of thing. Good thing I don't have to worry about that until September. HAH.

But anyway, it's been a good day. My nurse took my blood this morning, and I received no frantic phone calls saying "You need Blood!!! Aaaaaah!" So that's good. Although, it'd be exciting if someone called me and said exactly that. It felt like spring outside today. Spring! I guess there are even robins making their way back to Chicago. So that's optimistic. Warmer, greener days are not that far away. Things to remember. Alright, that's it. Happy Tuesday, sad toad.

Still in confinement.

Hopefully my blood cell counts will start recovering sometime this week. It's supposed to be in the fifties by this weekend, and I am desperate to go outside. Well, go outside without freezing my buns off. Winter's great; it's beautiful outside. I love the snow, for sure. But warmer weather will be nice. In cancer news, interestingly, I've started to feel generally not well. My headache is pretty consistent now, and I've started feeling nauseous as well. Apparently the effects of chemotherapy are cumulative. During the times when I'm not neutropenic, my blood counts are still lower than a healthy person's. In terms of the side-effects, I guess those worsen too. So, the first month of treatment, I was okay. I felt healthy, I recovered quickly, the whole deal. Now, however, I'm starting to feel the side-effects. They're building themselves a nice solid structure in my body. Taking root, as it were. It's a good time. As of yet, it isn't debilitating. I can still go about my daily activities --such as they are-- normally. I'm just hoping as the months progress, they won't worsen significantly. For now though, just plugging along with what I've got. Not much else I can do, I suppose. I don't know, is there some hotline I can call, be like, "hey guys, okay, I've tried the side-effects, I didn't really like them, you can take them away now?" Because that would be sweet. But I don't think there is. Oh well.

And that's about it. I finished Garcia-Marquez' Love in the Time of Cholera. I liked the book, but I was disappointed by the ending. The book is long and he is a very intelligent and articulate author (can I call a writer articulate? I don't actually think so...). But his ending just sort of seemed to me like he didn't know how to end it, so he came up with something pedestrian and expected. Oh well. If you've read it, comments? If you haven't read it, it's pretty good if you have a high tolerance for well-written yet fairly drawn out literature. Although, I suppose if you're reading this, you're used to the fairly drawn out. Meh, we'll both live. Well, tomorrow's a holiday, so enjoy it if you have it off. Every day is a holiday for me, kind of, but at least tomorrow I have a somewhat legitimate reason for loafing. hoorah for the presidents. And then Tuesday, man, you had better believe I'll be eating pancakes. Yah! (Mardi gras. Look it up.) Alright, pax from he-ah.